54.

I searched for an answer to the puzzle of my life, but the an- swer I found was denied me, I chose, but my choice was denied me. "Yes, but what you chose was abnormal", I hear someone say. And, yes, I agree; precisely so; a deviation from the norm. Of course it isn't everyone's line of country or it would be the norm. Freedom is freedom to differ, or it is nothing. No one would have been harm- ed by my attaining my happiness; I've no dependents except an in- different cat. And Society, which has so much to fear from criminals and bombs and too much government, would certainly not be harmed by one women, no longer young, having a cup of tea with a friend or growing a geranium in a pot. If the day comes in America when one who is different is condemned for that reason only, when courts (and hospitals) have no courage to defy such irrational condemnation, then freedom will be dead. I think that day is at hand.

Ought you, reader, to be concerned about this, since you do not want--certainly not!--what I want? Of course you should, for free- dom is indivisible. If it is denied to me in this, it is precedent for denying it to you in your deviation from the norm. Does the fact that what I want is wanted by few rather than many alter in the slightest degree my right to have it? If you love freedom, you should paraphrase Voltaire and cry: "I do not agree with what you do, but I will defend to the death your right to do it." I tried very hard to do it, and skilled men stood by to help me: but be- tween me and the happiness I sought there stood a formless spectre compounded of bigotry and self-righteousness and disrespect for freedom, supported by all the Little Timid Men--and it won. That's what is so horrifying--it won! We frequently hear an anthem, ren- dered with spirit if not precision, which includes the inspired phrase, 'the land of the free'. But freedom here has been denied

me.

**** OPERATION CUPID ****

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Barbara and Virginia